We're facebook friends in real life
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
