I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
