I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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