mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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