A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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