she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
