did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
