I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
