its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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