I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
