just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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