Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
