ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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