i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize