why didn't you poke me back
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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