My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
