i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
should my penis look like a turkey
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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