6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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