i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
