One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
