So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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