Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
