And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
