i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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