My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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