I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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