your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
