Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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