There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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