conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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