I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
