Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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