I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
