I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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