I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
