a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
