Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
