Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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