Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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