I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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