If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
