I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
