I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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