his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
