Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
