That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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