Well douche your snatch and let's go!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
