my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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