We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
