Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I met the friendliest cop last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
