She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
