I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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