How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
