She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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