He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
