I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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