Don't make out with my wife yet
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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