I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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