im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
