Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
