My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
