Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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