you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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