does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
