just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
