Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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